Don't stare in space too long because people will think your an idiot
by mizz-sandra
Summary: What would you do If you get stuck in couple counselling with the most unbearable sadist in the whole universe? Unlucky kagura just happens to be in that situation. Read and Review! Okixkagu
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone! I felt happy with the reviews on the first story I published I decided to publish this one! This one actually has a plot with real dialogues...

Review again :) and criticism is gladly accepted.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _GINTAMA_, all credits belong to sorachi-sensei. Except for this fic.

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_**Don't stare in space too long because people will think your an idiot.**_

Staring at the azure sky enveloping the heavens with gleeful sunlight peeking out from the outline of the fluffy white clouds I stood a dazed about a hundred meters above the ground. Beautiful feathers danced softly as a breeze passed by. Looking to the side an angelic figure can be seen hovering three feet away from me. Pale complexion and bright golden brown hair, he reached his hand out -

"the heck? Earth to china!? Hello?" said the voice coming from inches beside me. My trail of thoughts shattered as the voice continued.

"Are you dead?" grinning, the person said with an annoying tone.

"It's none of your business stupid, and how long have you been standing there!?"

"Since I was calling out to you and you weren't responding, you're staring into space like a total idiot." the boy said with his trademark deadpan expression.

" I AM NOT AN IDIOT! " irritated, I sent a punch towards his face but he easily dodge it. I then attacked with a barrage of punches and kicks but the agile boy just kept avoiding with ease.

"Isn't it a little too early for you two to be killing each other?" A man with silvery curled hair entered the room with his usual dead fish eyes.

"Uhh , no ... sensei, this jerk needs to be taught a valuable lesson of not getting on other peoples nerves!" I said while still sending a flurry of kicks and punches.

"sensei! This brat needs to be taught a lesson of listening to people when their giving out clever insults early in the morning".

"SO YOU WERE JUST INSULTING ME AFTER ALL!? SENSEI! SOMEONES GONNA DIE RIGHT NOW! PLEASE CALL A MORTICIAN!"

"A mortician? What happened to the ambulance?"

"SCREW THE AMBULANCE! YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!" I was about to strike the part of his body which was the root of all evil when the said teacher knocked both our heads together.

" Oi! You disrespectful little brats! Your getting detention after class!"

"..."

"..."

Yes we are at school, and yes this jerk always gets me in trouble. I'm actually use to it since we've been doing this for about a year.

My name is kagura, I'm 5'1" tall with blue eyes and they say I have a really cute face! What's really eye catching about me is that I have vermilion colour hair! I mean how many people has that huh? And yes, it's natural.

Ohhh,.. and if you're wondering about the jerk earlier, he's my classmate slash rival Okita Sadist Sougo. I can't really remember how it happened. One day I was walking and our eyes met, from that moment we knew we hated each other's guts. And the fact that I accidentally threw my lunch one time in the cafeteria, I slipped ok? He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time! I can still recall the horrid look on the other student's faces and the glares I received from his fan girls. Good times! Good times.

From then on, every time we would see each other, we would start out with a battle of insults then engage in dangerous hand to hand combat resulting in multiple property destruction.

Right now we're having math class. And I'm not listening to Ginpachi sensei... who cares about the relationship of X and Y? Can't Mister X understand that miss Y doesn't want to be with him? Mister X keeps on his futile attempts to attract miss Y with big numerical values! At this rate she'll never find true love in the arms of variable Z!

Maaa... who cares? They're not even edible! I was about to eat an early lunch when someone threw a scrunched up paper at my head!

"oww! Who the hell..!?" I looked around and grabbed the piece of paper which landed on my desk. Inside was a distorted drawing of a girl with the word you.

Infuriated I stood up and grabbed the perpetrator's collar "Why you!"

"Sensei! China's assaulting me!"

"It's his fault! Look at this! He clearly wants to die!"

"Oi ! quit disturbing my class!" the perm head said not bothering to turn around

" What are you talking about china? I'm just sitting innocently here stabbing needles in this hijikata doll".

" Oi! How the hell is that innocent!?" said the doll, I mean hijikata.

"shut up mayo freak!" I said while glaring daggers at the male's head.

"shut up, you chain smoker!" said the sensei with a stick in his mouth that emits smoke still claiming it to be a lollipop.

"Die hijikata!"

"why you!"

And the class had to be stopped because chairs and tables started flying in the air. The voice of shinpachi can be heard calling out for an ambulance and probably a vet for the injured gorilla.

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" ..."

"..."

"Why am I being sent to the principal's office?" the raven hair man said as he applied a pack of frozen vegetable on his black eye. Truth be told, he was only collateral damage.

"Why am I sitting next to sadist?!" the vermilion headed girl said while eating a pack of her favourite pickled seaweed.

"why am I so handsome?" the auburn haired boy said earning a glare from the two.

"TO HELL WITH YOU!" The two screamed in unision.

"STOP CORRUPTING PEOPLES MINDS!"

"Uhhh no, your head was already rotten in the first place. You can't kill what's already dead."

"Uhh no... I think the real question is , WHY THE HELL AM I BEING SENT TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!? I AM TEACHER IN THIS SCHOOL FOR HEAVENS SAKE!" weeping in a corner, the said perm headed teacher is silently cursing his student for degrading his status this low.

The office door opened and out came the secretary; she is something this modern technology developed. A robot secretary that functions as an assistant, a maid and a security guard! She has over a hundred collectable parts and is sold for limited time offer so call now!

"What the hell? She is indorsing herself..."

"You may enter the office now" said the robot named Tama.

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At the office.

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"..."

"How many times must I see you people in a week?" The so called principal stared the troublesome guests in front of her table. Her face is filled with wrinkles signifying her non-youthful age. But her eyes are those that belong to a once powerful woman who fought with dignity and grace back in the days. Too bad everything in the world has to decay just like her beauty.

"Um, that depends. I can't see you during Tuesdays because I have cleaning duty"

"No one cares china"

"Teme!"

"QUIET!"

" sigh... YOU TWO!" pointing out to the troublemakers "I'm putting you in a couple counselling program!" The old woman named Otose said.

"WHAAAAAAT!?" the two grimaced as Ginpachi can be seen fainting in the background.

"Couple counselling, a friend of mine just opened one up and would love to experime- I mean help in your case. You will attend it every Saturday with the hopes of finally reducing the schools budget regarding repairs and replacements".

"what was that? Did I hear it right? She's going to treat us like lab rats?" As soon as Ginpachi regained consciousness, he once again fainted after hearing what the auburn haired boy said

"Stupid sadist..."

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Worst day ever

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**(A/N)** Umm soo? Dunno what to say...

By the way, the first paragraph was kagura recalling a dream she had,.. well get to that...

Reviews :) (please state if I was incorrect in any grammars or spelling. )


	2. Chapter 2

Hello! I'm updating!

Thank you for reading!

**I do not own GINTAMA**

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**Couple Counselling Day 1**

"This is all your fault, sadist!" The teary eyed girl said

"My fault?! Your the one who got us lost!" Okita Sougo said standing up while patting the dirt off his uniform

"Well we wouldn't even be in this situation if you only listened to me in the first place!"

Your probably wondering what we are talking about? It all started early this morning.

"Ginchan! Do I really have to go to this couple counselling thing? I have a bad feeling about this and you know I like staying at the house during Sundays!"

"It's a Saturday today".

"SEE! Even my brain isn't right! Please let me stay!"

"Your brain was never working fine in the first place, now get going! I was told that if this doesn't go well I won't get paid."

"hmmf... I hope you go bald like papi!"

"Oi! Is that a curse?! Are you cursing me with some evil encantation?!"

"Bleh! Bye Ginchan! I hope you still have hairs when I come home!" and so the girl ran far away from her foster parent and Ginpachi lost all his hair, the end.

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Just joking...

I went straight to the bus stop, sadist and I "AGREED" to meet up there.

"_Hey china! Don't be late tomorrow, 7am" the sadist deadpanned._

"_Yeah, yeah whatever..."_

But its already 9am and the freaking sadist still isn't here! I was about to go home when,

"Oh? China, your here early." He monotone

"You jerk! I've been here since 7am! Sharp!" I stood up from the bench I was sitting on and faced him, fuming.

"what? But the counselling doesn't start until 9:30" The sadist said with victory evident on his face.

"YOU FREAKING SADIST!" annoyed I burst out and kicked him in the mid. But the sadist was fast and blocked it. I retracted my foot and was about to perform a roundhouse kick on him when we heard the bus driver call out to us.

"Hey you kids! If you're not going to ride then I'll just be going. I have a schedule to keep you know?!" and with that, the bus entrance closed leaving us behind my mouth wide open.

"HEY! COME BACK!" I shrieked begging the bus driver to turn back, but it was futile.

"... ne sadist... let's wait for the next bus"

"you know... There won't be another bus until another 30 minutes... I'm pretty sure Otose said it was close by, we can walk." He suggested

"... fine! " I remembered Otose-san gave us a map which I located in my bag. " I'll lead!"

"what? No way china! Do you even know how to read a map?" the boy inquired

"Duh! See! this is the road and these are boxes of sukonbu!" I cheerily explained to him

"You're an idiot. Why would there be boxes of sukonbu in a map?"

"Teme! If you don't want me to lead you can just go off on your own!"

"Nah... that would be boring." He shrugged it off and followed me anyway.

I marched forward making sure the sadist was a meter behind me

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30 minutes later

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"hey china..."

"What?!"

"were lost aren't we?"

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"..."

"..."

"HAHAHA! Stupid sadist! Were not lost! I have a GPS in my brain!"

"Then let's hope you kept the warranty cause you're gonna need to return your defective brain!"

"Why you! I have had just about enough of you!" I dropped the map and launched at him. I was trying to strangle him, but the sadist lost his footing and slipped. We ended up rolling down the slope on the side of the road.

I hit my head pretty hard and fell unconscious. The next thing I saw when I woke up was the sadist sitting next to me. A handkerchief wrapped around his bleeding ankle. And my head rested on top of my bag with his jacket as my blanket.

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"Sadist? What happened?" The girl roused up using her elbow for support.

"Well china, to make the long story short. Your stupidity almost got me killed."

"MY STUPIDITY?!" the girl tried to stand up but winced at the pain she felt on her head.

"oww..."

"You should take it easy, although you're not that badly injured. You're brain must've rattle inside your head because of the huge amount of space it's been living in." The boy said while looking up

"hmmph! I'm just surprised you didn't leave me and saved your own hind."

"D'aww, Im not that heartless you know. Your hurting my feelings." He deadpanned

"Ohh, yeah sure! Concern is oozing out of your voice."

"A'ww come on, is that the way you treat the person who prevented anyone from taking advantage of you while at your most vulnerable state?... Not like anyone would be interested." the boy said with disgust written all over his face.

"Shut up or else I'll render you unable to reproduce"

"Uhh, no thanks but you might consider giving hijikata san that offer. We wouldn't want his spawn's of mayo roaming around the place in the later years."

"Why don't you just do what tree's do sadist so you can help the world be a better place!"

"Oh? What's that china?"

"Why don't you start inhaling carbon dioxide and exhaling oxygen instead of being a pollutant?"

"So basically your telling me to die china..."

"Oh look? The sadist does have a brain?!"

"Hey! Just because sukonbu disintegrated your brain it doesn't mean everyone else became brainless as well!"

_Keep it cool kagura, he's doing it on purpose! Just stay calm and don't mind the sadist._

The girl thought inwardly as she searched her bag for the mobile phone Ginpachi-sensei gave her. He said in case of emergencies - like a lollicon attack or if she got lost- use it to call him.

"That's no use, there's no signal here."

"And where exactly IS here?"

"Like hell I'd know?! You're the one who got us lost remember?"

Kagura knew it really was her fault, she'd hate to admit it thought, but he didn't have to put it that way. Sougo noticed her looking down with guilt; guess he shouldn't have done that.

"_Sigh_,... hey china! While passing time why don't we play a game?"

The vermillion haired girl looked up incredulously at what he just said.

"what? Don't stare at me like that. Are you falling in love with me?"

The previous sceptical expression shifted to disgust as soon as she heard the males retort.

"Come on! Let's play Magical Banana! Banana reminds me of Gorillas!" he said with an exaggerated voice which didn't really match the facial expression he's bearing.

"_Sigh_,.. Fine." The girl said in defeat. "Gorillas remind me of Kondo"

"Ouch, china. Cheap shot, the guy isn't even here"

"Do you want to play or what?"

"Alright alright, Kondo reminds me of work"

"Huh? What work? All you do is sleep! You should have said something like 'Kondo reminds me of being lazy, or your worthless life'."

"Ohh! I see, let me change it. Kondo reminds me of how worthless china's life is."

"Teme! My life isn't worthless!"

"You obviously don't know how to play, you should 'of said something like, 'China's worthless life reminds me of crawling under a hole and dying'."

"Crawling under a hole and dying reminds me that I have to kick sadist in the face." With that, she darted her left feet towards the boy's face. Unfortunately for her, he caught it.

"China trying to kick me in the face reminds me of how weak you are" Sougo pulled her feet and the poor girl went sliding down on top of him landing with a thump.

"Oww...stupid sadist! This isn't how you make a girl fall for you!"

"really? It seemed to work on you"

"I wouldn't fall in love with you even if you were the last man on earth!"

Okita winced inwardly at what the girl just blurted out.

"Is that a challenge?" a smirk evident on his face

"W-what!?"

Okita came closer now with a serious look on his face. He drew closer and closer now only an inch away from her face. Just then-

"KAGURAAAAA!?" an all too familiar voice rang loudly. Okita drew back with a scowl.

"Ginchan?! I'm over here!"

"Kagura-chan! I called the counselling's office and when they said you never came, I started searching for you guys. Ohh! Souichirou-kun? What happened to your ankle?" Ginpachi said concern written all over his face. If anything happens to his students,... most of all kagura! He'll be answering to baldy's wrath.

They ended up going home without even getting counselled.

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Late that night- at the sakata residence, Kagura couldn't stop thinking about what he said.

"_He's planning something,... I just know it! I better prepare for anything that can happen the next time we meet.._." were the last words that echoed in her mind as she drifted to sleep.

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_**(A/N):** _If your still reading this thankyou very much ! Read and Review :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Gintama

I seriously forgot I was writing this.. Not because that I lost it or anything... really.

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_**What's worst than taking a girls first kiss?**_

It's been six whole days since that incident and Okita Sougo hasn't made a move... yet. Even so, Kagura doesn't let her guard down. In class sessions, break times and even when going home she's always on high alert.

But still... there's nothing

He never even looked at her during class, like he doesn't give a shit even though he made such a daring statement. The thought of him getting her all fired up for nothing infuriated her, involuntarily sending a punch to whatever unfortunate being is in front of her. That so called _unfortunate being_ just happened to be shinpachi, the class tsukkomi.

"OUCH! KAGURA CHAN WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST PUNCH ME!?" the glasses boy said while rubbing the pain in his back. After realizing her punch landed on the megane she quickly retracted her arms to her side to prevent any further misfire.

"So-sorry shinpachi..."

"_Sign_... never mind that. Let's just get back, class is about to start." He said brushing off the red head's offence.

"Actually, you go on ahead. Catch you later!" She started running off. Pass the cafeteria where students acted like a bunch of wild animals, most of them pushing and shoving one another. Two students looking very similar to enraged bulls were shouting over a piece of crushed melon bread on the floor. She didn't dwelled too long as she reached the girls bathroom next.

She didn't stop when she heard three girls yelling inside fighting over some guy who _coincidentally_ has been dating all three of them. _Coincidentally_ she just passed said guy, winking at her. _Coincidentally_ she wanting to kick him right then and there but decided he should face the three female's wrath instead.

Passing the janitors closet, a familiar sunglass wearing man waved in vain as he was met with cold shoulders. She quickly turned around with a bright smile waving back indicating she was only joking around.

Out of the school premise and into the garden. It was a sunny day but not to an extent that it hurts the skin. The sun bathed her with glowing light and just the right amount of heat. Her chest heaved up and down from all the running she did. Boy was she tired!

The little girl would usually be found eating lunch together with her anego or annoying her favourite sensei Gin-pachi. But today she decided to be alone under the shade of the big tree hidden behind the school building. Everything seemed so peaceful, two birds chirped just above her head sitting on a wide branch. She didn't fight her eyelids that threatened to close shut. The cool breeze which made the grass dance only added to the tranquility of the scene gently lulling her to sleep.

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_She stood there, motionless. Staring at a figure adorned with shining bright light as if he borrowed the sun's rays itself. Looking at her transparent self, her vision hazy, she quickly realize where she was_

_A dream_

_It's been the same dream over and over again. She stands there in god knows where and this guy shows up. Like he wants to tell her something? Something she should know. Something... important. But kagura Yato was not one to faze, no matter how striking—strikingly familiar— the guy looked._

"_You!" she pointed at the person. "Quit showing up in my dreams!" she'll kick him out of here if she had to._

_The figure turned his attention to her, focusing her eyes she can see him mouthing words..._

_China..._

_China..._

"Hey China! Are you dead?" a deep voice, clear as day it's not from a girl, rang in her head forcing her to wake up but kept her eyes closed. The monotonous voice pattern was a dead giveaway, she knew who this guy was.

"Clearly sadist I'm _not_ dead, at least not before you go down first." She said eyes still closed.

"Ohh... too bad, you realize how life would be better if you were?... _Dead I mean_" She can tell even without looking, the boy was smirking. And indeed he was. _That evil little insect, how dare he disturb my peaceful nap? He'll probably end up as a tax robber, wasting the people's money._

"Could you not be annoying for one second of your miserable life?" _Jeez sadist, get a clue that you're not wanted here._

"Aww, but the thought of me _not _annoying you... kills me" he said sounding like a child trying to look adorable even though he was the devil incarnate. To an immeasurable extent, _it sickened her_.

"Please... If thoughts could kill, you would've been dead a _loooooooooong_ time ago" _considering how many people you've pissed off. Seriously sadist, if thoughts could kill, a lot of people would already be dead. Not just you, but you would definitely have the cruellest one of all._ "Actually, now's a good time, go to hell sadist!" The thought of sending him to his eternal punishment in the underworld gave the corner of her lips a reason to curve upward.

"What? After they just kicked me out? I doubt they'd want me back soon. Besides, I'm not going back till I've fulfilled my mission" He said, staring at her

"Hmm? What's that?" curiosity struck the cat. She knew succumbing to his remarks wasn't the smartest thing to do, and that she'll regret it.

"I'm a knight in shining armour meant to slay an ignoramic gluttonous redheaded dwarfly sized witch"

"TEME! What the hell does that mean?" Her body shot up, eyes glaring at the boy. "And knights don't kill witches, they kill dragons!"

"Oh yeah, what kills witches then?" The question caught her off guard, not really something you'd normally retort with. Her mouth was left hanging, lips trying to form words, her eyes staring in surprise, her brain was lagging. She desperately searched for an answer in her head ending up with "I-I don't know? _Water_... I guess."

_Bad move_

At that moment Sougo pinned her down to the grassy soil. She tried kicking him hard but was restrained with his knees. He bent, closing the gap between their faces, towards her left ear and whispered. "Then I shall slay the witch with this"

He opened his mouth exhaling hot breaths of air causing goose bumps on her neck. Slowly his tongue protruded from his mouth. Gently licking her earlobe like how you would on ice cream. Occasionally, he'd nibble on the bit of flesh teasingly. Until an unexpected response came out of kagura's mouth causing him to stop and stare at the girl.

"_Ahh..._" She moaned, a sound unheard off from her before. She was trying so hard to keep it in but that one last bite did the trick. Her face was red with embarrassment, her breathing uneasy, there was a weird feeling in her stomach and he was staring at her with perplexed eyes.

In panic she did the best thing she could think off, she head butted the guy. **BAAAM!** He bounced back feeling disoriented. She took this opportunity to run as fast as she can away from him leaving okita with a concussion.

All the while running she thought of one thing which she persistently denied in her head _"No no no.. did I just...I did not just... liked... it?"_

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Of course he never would have expected her to—well, make that kind of response. He was just kidding after all? Did he perhaps, went too far? China was, so to say a monster when it came to strength and their customary fights proved that. But she's still a _girl_ after all, with beautiful sapphire eyes, small pink lips, porcelain like skin and that overly addicting scent she wears, remembering how it invaded his nose before he started licking—

Heat started creeping up his face once he realized he unconsciously re acted the past events in his mind. _Damn china, you got me good_. He mentally laughed at how pathetic he looks. Getting back to the issue, he doesn't know whether to search for her and _apologise_—in his own special way— or wait for the heat to die down. He decided that if he confronted her know he might get a super-duper-uh mazingly-strong-yato-punch. He would like to keep his head and limbs attached to where they are, thank you very much.

"Oi! Souichiro-kun!" Tsk, the last person he'd like to see is now calling him. God knows what kind of trouble he has in stored for him. _It's Sougo—_he hissed mentally. He didn't bother correcting the man since he knows he'll be getting his name wrong again the next time, instead he looked at him with disdain.

"Dont look at me like that, I'm just here to remind you about you counselling with kagura tomorrow" _crap_, he forgot about that. "This time I'll be dropping off both of you to make sure you actually get there. See you tomorrow, Ciao!"

Just great... so much for avoiding the wrath of the redhead yato girl.

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**(A/N)** : I swear I didn't know how this chapter ended like this, Reviews good and bad are appreciated!

Thank you for still reading


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